using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize