after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
