I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
