no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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