youre lurking in front of me
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
