I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
