maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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