my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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