I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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