i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
