Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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