You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
