make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
