He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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