My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
