He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
