I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish my penis had a tongue
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
