ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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