So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
