I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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