3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My dick has a subreddit
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
