I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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