He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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