woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
