I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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