God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
