Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
