Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
