the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
