The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
