Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
