eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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