all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
