There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
