I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
