I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
