OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
