Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize