I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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