me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
