I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
