remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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