she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
