Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
