so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
