Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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