i permit you to call me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
