I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
