he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
