I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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