JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
