I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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