everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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