I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
