we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
