i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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