My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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