you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
