fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
