you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
