last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
