ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
