Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
